Letter
by Doublyxtwisted
Summary: America questions what England actually felt for him in a letter right before the Battle of Saratoga. First Fic so be nice please. Mostly OOC America. I'm not even sure this can be called "Romance". Actually, I'm not sure how to categorize very well at all right now.


1777 August 9

To The British Empire or Lord Kirkland

Before I start, I will say that I'm sorry, but if you get this letter during this war and try to reconcile me in any way now, I won't respond anymore. I've lost my childish innocence and some of my ignorance. There is no way I can watch comrades stabbed to death by bayonets, get shot at with bullets that seek to end me, see the cold steel in the eyes of the Redcoats, and still believe that I can return and be welcomed without severe consequences. America is in too far, and I, being a totally heroic personification will follow this to the end. But knowing you, you will eventually want some sort clarification for my lunatic actions and statements; hence, this letter.

At first, this war was just an attempt to be seen as an equal by you, so that you would finally stop seeing me as a helpless child. I had a notion I would be a hero to you as well. But now that I've seen the fury, the mercilessness, the reason why Francis, Antonio, and all of Europe fear you, now that I know what cruelty war and you are capable of. I don't know what reason I personally fight for anymore. I know my people want independence, and I fight for that, I know my people want a voice, and I fight for that, but these are yearnings put in me by my people. But I, personally, can't even pull out a good reason of what I fight the war for anymore. I want you to acknowledge me, but is that a good enough reason to justify this? You saw and still see me as nothing but a disobedient colony that has to be put in his place didn't you?

But I'm curious, was I nothing at to you? Was I just another colony? Just another piece of land to help fund your ever growing empire? The Revolutionary War certainly makes it seem so. You have so much possessions now that you once said yourself that "The sun never sets on the British empire" or something along those lines. So was I even memorable at all? Why did you look so tortured when I declared independence? In fact, why didn't you just shoot me and end it right at the beginning? I was doing so terribly in the beginning years of the war. Losing America as a colony will hardly touch your wealth and as a person, I'm nothing but a taxpayer to you now. Aren't I? Besides, others will soon fill up whatever small void I left behind.

You rule the world after all.

I remember you leaving early countless times back when I was little in order to attend to "business", you said it was for my good, but it was really just to check on your other colonies, wasn't it? I was ignorant back then; I didn't realize that you had conquered so much and left marks everywhere. You told me once that I was special, a younger brother to you, someone you cherished, but is that true? Or did you pretend all that just to lure me away from Francis' ever persistent presence? Now that I think about it, why would I be special to you? Matthew is better behaved, more understanding, and of more use to you. Rajah has so much more wealth encrypted in his humid land, and your influence extends everywhere. You even have sights set on Asia and Africa now, don't you? Will you eventually colonize the rest of Europe as well?

You rule the world after all.

Now that I think about it, even back then when you first made clear to me that I was under the rule of the Crown and so owed my loyalty to the mother country just like the rest of your subjects. Why did everyone else know about the other colonies you had accumulated? Why was I the only one in the dark on how much peers I had gained? Was it just because I was so self-absorbed and naïve? I don't think so. You never said anything to me at all about this. Why didn't you tell me? Did you think I would do something stupid? Granted, I am rash and headstrong, (heroes aren't perfect you know) but you would have been able to stop me without much effort at all back then. You had and still have that much power.

You rule the world after all.

Why did you even bother about caring for me? You could have left me to completely fend for myself and I wouldn't have known the difference. If I had lost, I would have fallen into another country's power anyway. You could have kept a harsher rule over me and I wouldn't have cared. Yes, I was that stupid, naïve, and innocent when you first found me. But if you had done that, there would've been no complications at all when my people wanted to split from the Crown. Now, I have to deal with the turbulence of remembering a gentle country and seeing a merciless empire. It like I'm trying to save the past while refusing to acknowledge the present. This will get me killed in this war eventually, won't it?

But I guess what I really want to know is: What was I worth to you back then? How about now? After I lashed out back at you, after I severed the last remaining bonds between the Crown and me. What am I worth to you _now_? Because even though my people may hate you, the world may despise you, and tensions between us have hit boiling point, I can't get rid of the feeling that you were and are still everything to me.

So in the end, maybe the reason I unconsciously joined in this mess, be it good or bad, is because of you.

Signed,

The United States of America

Alfred F. Jones


End file.
